Showing posts with label WTF hadith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF hadith. Show all posts

Monday, April 30

Water isn't defiled by anything!

Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 1: Book of Purification, Hadith 66

Narrated Abu Sa'id al-Khudri

People asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) : Can we perform ablution out of the well of Buda'ah, which is a well into which menstrual clothes, dead dogs and stinking things were thrown?

He replied : Water is pure and is not defiled by anything.


Seriously Mo, as a messenger of God, spouting scientifically inaccurate views is the last thing you wanna do !!

Saturday, November 26

Green Mujahideen Birds!

Sahih (authentic) Muslim, book 20, Number 4651:
It has been narrated on the authority of Masruq Who said:

We asked 'Abdullah about the Qur'anic verse: "Think not of those who are slain in Allah's way as dead. Nay, they are alive, finding their sustenance in the presence of their Lord." (iii. 169).

He said: We asked the meaning of the verse (from the Holy Prophet) who said:

The souls, of the martyrs live in the bodies of green birds who have their nests in chandeliers hung from the throne of the Almighty. They eat the fruits of Paradise from wherever they like and then nestle in these chandeliers.

Once their Lord cast a glance at them and said: Do ye want anything? They said: What more shall we desire? We eat the fruit of Paradise from wherever we like. Their Lord asked them the same question thrice. When they saw that they will continue to be asked and not left (without answering the question). they said: O Lord, we wish that Thou mayest return our souls to our bodies so that we may be slain in Thy way once again.

When He (Allah) saw that they had no need, they were left (to their joy in heaven).

Oh wow! You get to be a mujahideen bird! (a green one that is)...it's the dream of everyone...what more can you ask for?

...I have a feeling that something important is missing...Huh! No 72 virgins for them? Looks like their bird brain won't be able to figure it out anytime soon.

Sunday, October 30

Islamic captain obvious



Muhammad the messenger of the creator god, using his divine knowledge, stating the obvious.

Al-Tirmidhi, Narrated AbuHurayrah: While Allah's Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions were sitting clouds came over them and Allah's Prophet (peace be upon him) asked, "Do you know what these are?" On their replying that Allah and His Messenger knew best, he said, "These are the clouds (anan), these are the water-carriers of the Earth, which Allah drives to people who do not thank Him or call upon him."

Sahih Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 72, Number 746: Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "None of you should walk, wearing one shoe only; he should either put on both shoes or put on no shoes whatsoever."

Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 4802: Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri: I heard the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_ upon_him) as saying: The best places to sit are those which provide most room.

Monday, October 3

It is ok to kill anyone who criticises Muhammad

Don't be surprised when muslims take great offence for depicting Muhammad in the cartoons or other medium and demand retaliation in the form of violent physical attack or even assassination. Muhammad himself had approved killing of anyone who mocked or criticised him. The following Hadith is crystal clear on this issue.

A blind man had a slave-mother who used to abuse the Prophet (pbuh) and disparage him. He forbade her but she did not stop. He rebuked her but she did not give up her habit. One night she began to slander the Prophet and abuse him. So he took a dagger, placed it on her belly, pressed it, and killed her. A child who came between her legs was smeared with the blood that was there.

When the morning came, the Prophet (pbuh) was informed about it. He assembled the people and said: I adjure by Allah the man who has done this action and I adjure him by my right to him that he should stand up. Jumping over the necks of the people and trembling the man stood up.

He sat before the Prophet (pbuh) and said: Apostle of Allah! I am her master; she used to abuse you and disparage you. I forbade her, but she did not stop, and I rebuked her, but she did not abandon her habit. I have two sons like pearls from her, and she was my companion. Last night she began to abuse and disparage you. So I took a dagger, put it on her belly and pressed it till I killed her.

Thereupon the Prophet (pbuh) said: Oh be witness, no retaliation is payable for her blood.


The Hadith was narrated Abdullah Ibn Abbas and can be found in Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 38, Hadith Number 4348)

This Hadith has been authenticated by the scholars.

For the legal rulings (fatwa), see also:
  • Ruling on one who insults the Prophet Muhammad.
  • Ruling on one who tells lies about the Prophet Muhammad.


It is beyond my understanding how a dead person could feel insult or even be slandered today. It is more likely that the followers of "religion of peace" feel that none has the right to mock or criticise their 7th century arab prophet and are keen to establish this kind of totalitarian, barbaric ideology that violates human rights and restricts free speech.

Moses and the gay stone

Can any sane person believe the amount of bullshit one can find in the supposed "sahih" Bukhari? This one is probably the funniest and dumbest one that I have ever heard. Taken from Sahih Bukhari, book 5, Hadith 277.
Narrated Abu Huraira, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said,

People of Banu Isra'il used to take a bath naked, and they looked at the private parts of one another.

Prophet Moses (peace be upon him), however, took a bath alone (in privacy) and they said (tauntingly)
By Allah, nothing prohibits Moses to take a bath along with us, but sacrotal hernia.


He (Moses) once went for a bath and placed his clothes on a stone and the stone run away with his clothes. Moses ran after it saying:
O stone, my clothes!
O stone, my clothes!


People of Banu Isra'il had the chance to see the private parts of Moses, and they said:
By Allah! Moses does not suffer from any ailment.


The stone then stopped, till Moses had been seen by them, and he then took hold of his clothes and started to beat the stone.

Abu Huraira said:
By Allah, there are the marks of six or seven strokes made by Moses on the stone!

The stone not only could steal cloths and run like hell but also sounds like it was a homosexual stone which had special feelings for Moses. Oh well, they should have stoned the stone to death, just sayin.

Tuesday, September 27

Pus is better than Poetry

Pus is better than Poetry? Hey wait a minute, isn't the Quran the best poetry e-v-e-r ?!!

Abu Sa`id Khudri reported: We were going with Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). As we reached the place (known as) Arj there met (us) a poet who had been reciting poetry. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Catch the satan or detain the satan, for filling the belly of a man with pus is better than stuffing his brain with poetry.

I think Muhammad was simply jealous of other poets' work which prompted him to eliminate better opponents.

Bonus Hadith:

Buraida reported on the authority of his father that the Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) said: He who played chess is like one who dyed his hand with the flesh and blood of swine.


Source: Sahih Muslim, Book #28 Hadith 5609-5612.